By Rachel and Bleau Gross
This past Friday was supposed to be a simple, joyous occasion—the home birth of our second child. The delivery itself went beautifully, but what followed was a nightmare scenario that every mother fears, and every Jehovah’s Witness is conditioned to die for.
Shortly after the birth, I suffered a significant Postpartum Hemorrhage (PPH). We tried every medication available in the home setting, but the bleeding wouldn’t stop. My condition deteriorated rapidly. I became pale, cold, dizzy, and lightheaded. During the emergency transport, my blood pressure crashed as low as the 40s/30s—levels that are deadly low.
I arrived at the hospital having lost an estimated 3 liters of blood, which accounted for the loss at home, in transit, and during the emergency surgery that followed.
The Emergency and the “Universal Donor”
Because my midwives had also delivered our first child, they knew about my past as a Jehovah’s Witness. Before we even left the house that day, I made sure everyone knew I would take blood if it became necessary.
I was alert the entire time up until they put me to sleep for surgery—save for a brief moment when I passed out trying to get out of the birth tub so they could better attempt to remove the placenta. In the hospital, the medical team informed me they were initiating a transfusion, and I verbally consented. I gave them my blood type, but they told me they were giving me universal donor blood. As a hospital nurse, I know how important it is to cross-match blood if at all possible. Hearing that they were skipping that step made me realize just how dire my situation was.
They gave me two units of emergency unmatched blood and rushed me straight into surgery. Because I accepted that blood, I lived.
The Margin Between Life and Death
After the surgery, my husband, Bleau, asked the doctor a question that still chills me: “How would this situation have fared if she refused blood?”
The doctor’s answer was blunt: I likely would have died.
Processing this birth story has been incredibly difficult because I know exactly where I stood just a short time ago. If this timeline had been off by just a year and a half, I would have refused. I would have died for that organization. I would have left behind my wonderful husband and two little kids, one a fresh newborn. To be so close to the brink of death and “pop back” alive and well just days later is surreal. Knowing that I was close to the edge not just physically, but ideologically, is terrifying.
Waking Up Just in Time
Our awakening from the organization was triggered by the birth of our first child. Bleau takes his role as a father very seriously. When we found out we were pregnant the first time, he took down his metaphorical box of doubts and started trying to put the puzzle together. Because of the pregnancy, the blood doctrine was at the forefront of his mind. He came to me in tears, expressing his doubts and telling me he wouldn’t be able to live with himself if he hadn’t brought them up. At the time, I still said I wouldn’t want blood, and he understood and respected that.
For me, the final straw was the Norway trial. Seeing the Watchtower change its disfellowshipping policies in an attempt to retain government subsidies made me realize our beliefs were essentially for sale—yet we were expected to die for those same beliefs. Bleau had been waiting for me to wake up, and when I did, we left abruptly in August/September 2024.
We wrote a letter to our family announcing we were leaving without over-explaining. We never met with the elders because we felt we owed them nothing. Consequently, we were disfellowshipped and our family has harshly shunned us. Leaving my family was the hardest part of our departure, but knowing I was saving my children from this organization is my greatest comfort.
The Psychological Battle of the Third Unit
Even after leaving, the mental conditioning runs deep. The morning after my surgery, my hemoglobin had dropped to a 6. My OB was wonderful and didn’t push, but she explained that while my body was severely depleted, I might not notice the effects for a couple of weeks—right when my milk supply would begin to suffer. Her preference was for me to receive an iron infusion and a third unit of blood to give me the optimal chance at breastfeeding.
I had several hesitations. I simply don’t like unnecessary medical intervention (which is partly why I chose a home birth). But I’d be lying if I said the JW conditioning didn’t play a role. It was an internal battle. It’s easy to explain taking lifesaving blood as a respect for life, but is it the same if I don’t strictly “need” it to survive that exact moment?
Ultimately, I decided I had already taken two units, so what was a third? Breastfeeding my baby was important to me, making it worth it. I am ultimately glad I agreed to it.
A Husband’s Perspective
(From Bleau): “When the doctor confirmed Rachel would have died without blood, my mind didn’t honestly go to the friends and family we left behind. I felt an immeasurable sense of relief. We were lucky—even privileged—to reclaim our own minds and see it pay massive dividends so quickly in the form of saving my wife’s life.
The organization makes the cost of leaving extremely high by making your entire social network shun you, but that cost is nothing compared to the freedom of mind that comes with leaving a high-control group. Only later did my mind turn to those still inside. I feel a deep sense of pity and sadness for them. They are trapped inside an institution that demands complete and absolute obedience—an obedience that includes refusing a simple, lifesaving blood transfusion. It’s my hope that vocal activism can apply pressure for JW leadership to make changes that will benefit the people still stuck inside.”
The Aftermath and Charting a New Course
The trauma of being so close to death and almost missing out on my children’s lives takes a lot to process. When I finally FaceTimed my mom to show her the toddler and the new baby, she asked questions. I tried to be delicate, but the blood transfusion is a massive part of the story, so I told her I would have died without it. She went very quiet and moved her face off-screen. I think she suspected it, but having it confirmed left her conflicted. I know she’s grateful I’m alive, but in her mind, at what cost? I haven’t heard from her since.
Thankfully, I have three aunts who are out of the organization and have expressed immense gratitude that I survived.
We are the first on each side of our families to break the generational curse. Our children will be free from the mental manipulation and conditioning of the cult. If I could say one thing to an expectant mother who is currently a PIMO (Physically In, Mentally Out) or questioning, it would be this:
Dying from refusing blood is a permanent choice. You can never get that time back with your children. Paradise or any afterlife is not guaranteed; the life you are living is all you’ve got. Don’t live (or die) for others. It might be scary to lose your family or community, but at least your children will have their mother. Prepare to need blood in childbirth. I was a low-risk pregnancy with skilled care providers who did everything right, and I still needed it. Bleeding is the leading cause of death in childbirth. Don’t end up a statistic or a human sacrifice. Fight for your children.
Editorial Note: The Advocates for Jehovah’s Witness Reform on Blood (AJWRB) maintains a position of institutional neutrality regarding an individual’s affiliation with, or separation from, the Watchtower Society. Our primary mandate is rooted in medical ethics and organizational accountability. We advocate unequivocally for the right to free, uncoerced, and fully informed consent in medical decision-making for all current and former Jehovah’s Witnesses. To support this ethical standard, AJWRB is dedicated to providing comprehensive educational resources to both the Jehovah’s Witness community and the healthcare professionals entrusted with their care.
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